Safewords
Safewords are words that keep you safer during a scene. Safewords do not, however, guarantee safety. They are designed to protect both the top and the bottom from harm or unwanted discomfort. When someone gives a safeword, some kind of adjustment needs to be made to the scene. The problem may be physical or psychological in nature.
Safewords are taken very seriously in BDSM communities.
- Some Common Safewords:
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(Even though the meaning of these safewords are commonly understood, it's still a good idea to talk about their meanings with your scene partner(s)).
- SAFEWORD
- This safeword is universal. It is the "house" safeword at many public play BDSM events. It means "something is wrong" or "I don't want to do that".
For example: SAFEWORD on having my hands tied behind my back. I don't like that. - RED
- Stop! Something is seriously wrong. The scene must end.
For example: RED! I'm feeling faint. - YELLOW
- Stop for just a minute. Something physical is wrong and needs to be adjusted.
For example: YELLOW - my left hand is feeling numb. - BLUE
- This safeword is similar to YELLOW, but is intended for psychological issues. The scene does not need to end.
For example: BLUE on calling me your "slave". "Prisoner" is OK. - GREEN
- This safeword is less common, but can be used to express happiness or make suggestions.
For example: GREEN on doing some impact play. - Personal Safewords
- Any word can be a safeword as long as your scene partner(s) know the meaning of the word. Pick words that are unambiguous, easy to say, and easy to hear.
Good: SUBMARINE!
Good: BUFFALO!
BAD: ROPE!
BAD: TRANSUBSTANTIALISM!
- Delivery of Safewords:
- Do not whisper your safewords; do not mumble your safewords; do not whimper your safewords. Say them LOUD!
- Noise or distraction may interfere with a safeword being heard, especially during public play
- Visual Safewords:
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- Sometimes a bondage scene may involve putting a gag in the bottom's mouth. In this case, a visual signal needs to be established to communicate discomfort or distress.
- (the following examples are the opinion of the webmaster, not the BDSM community in general)
Good: dropping a brightly coloured handkerchief
Good: dropping something like keys that will make noise when hitting the ground
BAD: looking into the bottom's eyes
BAD: snapping fingers or other hand signals
BAD: talking through the gag - If you put a gag in someone's mouth during public play don't be surprised if a Dungeon Monitor asks you what your visual safeword is.
- Besides gags, visual safewords may be used if the players involved do not want to break the flow of a heavy Dominant/submissive scene. In this case, consider using the double-squeeze method.
- Why Have Safewords?
- Why bother with safewords at all? Why not just say "I don't like that" or "there's a problem"?
- Visual safewords are sometimes necessary for safety
- Safewords stand out more clearly from the background noise, especially during public play
- Submissives may not want to say "no", "stop", "don't" as part of role-playing during Dominant/submissive play
- Respect for safewords, or lack of respect, is an indicator of whether you should be playing with someone at all
- Who Benefits from Safewords?
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- Submissives: for a variety of reasons, subs often find safewords easier than plain speech
- Dominants: believe it or not, dominants have limitations as well
- Dungeon Monitors: DMs listen and watch for safewords as well
- Spectators: concerned spectators know that unfamiliar public players have had a minimum amount of negotiation imposed on them
- Relationships: safewords can also be used in the vanilla aspects of a relationships to increase communication, facilitate negotiations, and draw firm boundaries